Friends, yogis, enjoyers of healthful eating everywhere: We have been sold a false bill of greens. We’ve had the wool pulled over our eyes by Big Leafy. Lucky for you, I am a Veggie Truther, and I refuse to be bullied into submission by current wellness trends. So I’ve done the research, and I have great news for you:
We don’t have to eat kale anymore!!
A few years ago, a boutique gym I teach for was making preparations for an anniversary celebration of their opening, and I was helping reach out to local restaurants to inquire about food donations. Over and over, I kept hearing the same response: “Sure! We can bring over a kale-and-quinoa salad!!” (Quinoa is yet another “superfood” verging dangerously on overexposure.) We served no fewer than three variants of kale-and-quinoa salad at that event. (Thank gawd for the local Italian restaurant for balancing the equation with their gluten-and-dairy donation, aka pizzas and pastas.) Each kale-and-quinoa salad was drenched in an assaultive vinaigrette in an effort to fool eaters into thinking they were eating something other than kale-and-quinoa salad. But I’m no fool. Unless that crap is buried under molten cheese, there is no disguising the displeasure that awaits you at the bottom of a bowl of kale-and-quinoa salad.
Health bloggers, juice enthusiasts, and Instagram will try to convince you that kale is some sort of magic green—a miracle of modern farming. But was anyone even eating kale five years ago? Where did this stuff come from, and why is everyone trying to shove it down my throat? Is it really better for us than every other single vegetable that ever existed, or does it just have a better publicist*?
Let’s examine the evidence:
*Need further proof? I thought I was kidding when I said kale just had a better publicist, but it turns out I wasn’t.
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